You’re are my 5 am Self Mirror

You’re are my 5 am Self Mirror


5 am, when most of the phone calls come to their ultimate end, when most of the students wrap up their books and get to their bed, when I finally feel tired and exhausted of the rest of the world, you are there in the mirror, my 5 am mirror self. When my eyes are dull and dark, when they have absorbed enough of evil and darkness of the world, you are there, a certain glow of my real self.


5 am, when it’s too late to start a new day without any sleep, when it’s too late to hug the pillow and cry myself to sleep, when it’s too late to take up any new task, you are there, my 5 am tired self. It’s that hour when I am the weakest, the loneliest, most honest, the realist and totally begging for some loving. It’s that hour when I lose faith in myself and I don’t trust my self.


5 am, when I look at the empty other half of my bed wondering what you must be doing right now. I try to trace your shadows in the creases of my bed sheets, but I fail to understand that it’s that hour where there is neither the sun nor the moon in the sky leaving alone the darkness to fool the night owls. It’s that hour, my dear, when I hold hands with myself. 


My 5 am mirror self, you’re the only one who’s been with me all this time and you’re the only one who’s going to be with me here after. All those deepest and the most honest feelings I ever had are in this hour coming back to me which I once again silently write down and add to that chapter of my life which shall not be discussed, ever. But just to let you know, my mirror self, this is you. This person under the sheets of your old diary and behind those dull eyes and bad hair is your real self and the only one who is going to live by your side at all times.


My 5 am mirror self, I’d always choose to stay up all night to meet you to remind myself of you.


Are you Scared?

Scared to take a stand for me, when everyone bitched about me? Why? When I could take one for you, why couldn’t you? 

I argued with everyone for you. It was the two of us against the world. But I didn’t see this coming. You were like this black hole – you kept pulling me in with that irresistable force. And I was curious, curious enough to venture into the darkness, to find that one singularity. What I didn’t see was that there was hardly any chance I could get without being ripped apart. Or maybe I did see it, but chose to ignore it. Don’t ask me why. I don’t have an answer to that. 

All I ever knew was that I loved you. And though I knew all along that loving you like that would destroy me, I didn’t back out. Never gave in. On you. On us. 

People said it was supposed to be the other way round – that you were supposed to protect me. But it didn’t happen, of course. I thought we would break all norms. But I guess it didn’t work out. 

My friends hated you for this. All along. And now, when it’s over, they hate you even more. For giving up so easily, just when it was getting started. 

We were almost there, you know. To attain what they call ‘true love’. But just as they say, almost is never enough. And now I know it isn’t. Indeed.