One Day

At the end of the day, I just want to believe that I know I am not fine, but one day, it will get better. There will be this ball of happiness, rolling down towards me, and I will hold it. I will hold onto it but not forever—because they seem short—and I want to tell myself, some nights are just hauntingly beautiful. 

 

A year, or decade from now, if our roads intersect, I don’t want you to walk alone, but with me. And tell me about the part of journey I missed. Because I want to tell you, too. I want you to look at me not with despair, or with a sad smile, but with the same old smile you used to have when you were around me. Because, every time I look at you, I start believing in beautiful things. That this world is filled with beauty and butterflies and sandstorms and dead flowers and people like you, happy; and people like me, lost. 

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Devastated is beautiful.

When was the last time you felt devastated?

Last night? Today at the breakfast table? Or maybe during the last ride home? Did you feel like a huge mess? Did you want to kill yourself? Did you want to suffocate your senses down?

I guess it happens to everyone. It happens to me, and I know it happens to you too. It’s okay. There’s nothing to be ashamed about it. We all die a little every day. We all kill a little every day. Dying is an indispensable part of life, I’ve learned.

Go for it. So what if you look a little ugly? Buy that dress that shows off your collarbones. So what if you get dark circles? Go finish that half read novel. So what if you’re broke? Go eat that burger with extra cheese. So what if you have a bad voice? Go sing that song aloud. Because what if the part of you that’s living today dies tomorrow?

Today was a bad day. But tomorrow will be better. You may ask me how I’m so sure about it. That’s because I like to believe that whatever happens, does for a reason. And if things are meant to be, they will be. Go cry your heart out, no one’s judging you. Go send that reckless text, no one’s stopping you. Go walk that extra mile, for you’re only what you think yourself to be.

So my dear, when was the last time you felt devastated? Today? Yesterday? During that last conversation? Doesn’t matter. You’re going to feel devastated yet again. You’re going to die yet again. You’re going to kill yet again. But never kill the parts of you that you can’t live without.

Devastated is beautiful. 

How to Love a Woman who has been to Hell & Back.

Many have tried. Most have failed.

 

The weak need not attempt, for it will take more strength than you even know you possess; more patience, more resilience, more tenacity, more resolve. It requires a relentless love, one that is determined and not easily defeated.

For the woman who has been to hell and back will push you away. She will test you in her desire to know what you are made of, whether you have what it takes to weather her storm. Because she is unpredictable—at times a hurricane, a force of nature that rides on the fury of her suffering; other times a gentle rain, calm, still and quiet.

When she is the gentle rain that falls in time to her silent tears, love her.

 

When she is the thunder and lightning and ferocious winds that wreak havoc, love her harder.

 

She is a contradiction, a pendulum that will forever swing between fear of suffocation and fear of abandonment, and even she will not know how to find the balance between the two. Because today, although she will never tell you, she will feel insecure. She will want you to stay close, to tuck her hair behind her ear and kiss her on her forehead and hold her in the strength of your arms. But tomorrow she will crave her independence, her space, her solitude.

 

For while you have slept, she has been awake, unable to slow her thoughts, watching clocks and chasing time, trying to make the broken pieces fit, to make sense of it all—of where and how she fits. She fights her demons and slays her dragons, afraid if she goes to sleep they will gain the upper hand, afraid if she goes to sleep she will no longer be in control. Tomorrow she will be tired, and your presence will smother her. She will need only herself.

 

When she reaches out to you, love her.

 

When she pushes you away, lover her harder.

 

New situations and places and people and experiences will make her anxious. She will be fiercely independent and long to overcome her fears, all the while as terrified as a small child alone in the big world. Sometimes she will need to be courageous, to prove to herself she has what it takes. Other times she will need you to take her hand and hold it firmly in yours. Sometimes she may not know what she needs, and you will need to read her like a book with worn pages and a tattered spine and be what she needs when she does not know herself.

 

When she is brave and steps into the world on her own, love her.

 

When she is scared, but refuses to take your hand, love her harder.

 

She will live in fear of not being enough and always being too much—an endless battle to find the middle ground. Ashamed if the scale falls one way or the other, ashamed to be herself for no one has ever loved her both when she is small and also when she is tremendous.

 

When she feels too much, love her.

 

When she feels not enough, love her harder.

 

Sometimes she won’t hurt and the light will shine from her eyes and her laughter will be a rare and precious melody. But sometimes she will hurt so much from the trauma still in her body; she will ache, she will feel pain and anguish. The light will grow dim and the music will fade.

 

When she is the light, love her.

 

When she is the darkness, love her harder.

 

She will always love you with caution, with one foot out the door. For she does not understand a love with no conditions, one that is powerful enough to withstand hard times. She cannot allow herself to fully trust in your love, and she will keep parts of her heart hidden—the parts that have been hurt the most, the parts she can’t risk being hurt again when she has worked so hard to stitch them together.

 

She will always watch, wait and expect you to leave first. And when you don’t, she has a truth written upon her heart that says you will—it’s only a matter of time, for everyone who loves her leaves her. And so she will seek to sabotage the relationship; she will seek to destroy it, she will seek to leave first, she will seek to hurt you before you can hurt her. This is how she stays in control, this is how she survives, how she will ensure she will not get hurt again.

 

When she wants to love you, love her.

 

When she wants to hurt you, love her harder.

 

Being out of control terrifies her. Don’t ever make her feel powerless, trapped or without her freedom. She needs to dance barefoot under enormous blue skies, to feel sand between her toes, to run with wolves as the wind weaves magic through her hair, for here is where her healing is found. Never clip her wings, for if she has the freedom to fly, she will always come back to you.

 

Love her when it’s easy, and love her harder when it’s not.

 

Love her in a way that will defy all she has ever known love to be.

 

Love her because you understand with every fiber of your soul the gift of her love, what it has cost her to offer you her fragile heart.

 

She does not need you. She has chosen you.

 

Because you have what it takes to survive the storm.

 

Because even when she doesn’t know how to love, you know how to love harder.
(With permission)

Author: Kathy Parker

You can also find Kathy at Facebook, Twitter and Instagram

Its A Secret

“Can I tell you a secret?

You don’t have to be in a relationship.

I mean it. I know they force it down your throat until you choke on it. Girls aren’t pretty unless they’re wanted. Boys aren’t men unless they’re having sex with someone. People aren’t lovable until they’re dating someone.

But a relationship won’t always make you happy, and as wonderful as romance is, it isn’t the only love that exists. I have seen friendships that are deeper and more pure than couples who swear it’s forever – and yet the friendship is the one people ignore.

I have heard so often “nobody loves me” out of the mouths of people who are single. And it kills me because if you ask them: where are your parents, your teachers, your classmates, your pets – they say, yes, okay, but it doesn’t count. Of course it counts, love doesn’t diminish just because someone doesn’t want to have sex with you. In fact, doesn’t it sort of make that love more real that they want nothing – not even a date – out of you?

It is pretty to be in love. It’s magical, I’m sure. But it’s also wonderful to stop for ice cream in your prom dress with six other girls. It’s also wonderful to go visit the world with nothing but a bunch of buddies who are really excited about learning.

The problem is: we’ve made everything about “the one”. But maybe “the one” is just you, loving yourself, having fun, and being happy. Maybe instead of looking for our other halves, we should be piecing ourselves together.

Maybe I wasn’t born unfinished. Maybe I am the one who makes myself better.”

Darkness!!!!!!!!!

Uh, hello, Darkness, this one is for you.

 

Darkness, you are something, eh? A part of me? The pit of my soul. The unattended, the unwanted, the self-loathing part of me? 

None of that. You are not a part of me. You are not even there. Nope, nothing called Darkness. Inside me, or in this matter, inside anyone else. 

Yet, my fellow readers, you must be wondering if there is no Darkness, why am I writing about it? Oh, hell, I will come to that in a bit. But first thing first—

“There it is… eating you from the inside… making you sad. And in the end, you feel nothing.”

“Uh huh. Just a question, if nothing is what you feel, how can that nothingness hurt you?”

— A conversation I had with my arch enemy—me—on a melancholic night. And, there it was, the answer lingering in the question.

Confused? I know. But then again, we all are confused about something. 

Almost a month since I wrote something productive. You can say I was seeking myself. Or asking myself this great question: “Who am I?”

The film, Kung Fu Panda 3, suggested that the great Oogway sat inside a cave for thirty years, asking this question to himself. I am lazier than Poo, the panda, and so I took the short cut. I started talking to myself. Most of the nights, I did. Staring at the ceiling, wandering between ifs and maybes.

Result? I met myself. And I came across all the bad things I have done. I understood them. You can conclude that I did not like meeting myself.

So yes, Darkness, it is the second cousin of hope, and opposite in characteristics too. 

When we are in trouble, we look for hope. We pray. We wish. We share our problems. But when we do something bad, we put it on the dark hope: Darkness. We say it is our dark side that forced us to do this. We put it on someone else, just to take the burden off our shoulders. But we are grownups, and we need to take responsibilities for our actions.

So why am I writing about it? Because it has to be written. Once I wrote about proposal, which was highly appreciated. And tell you what? It wasn’t fiction. Not one dialogue. So, if I am writing the good me, I should write the wrong me, too, right?

Whatever I have ever done or will do, it has always been me or will be me. Not the Darkness. Not the Sadness. Just me. 

But here is a fact: I have consciousness right now. Maybe a month later, when loneliness will gloss over the veneer of consciousness, I will start blaming my mistakes on Darkness. And I will write about it, again.

He never wanted to end his life.. He wanted to end that Pain he was suffering from….

So recently came across a post about Arjun Bharadwaj

He never wanted to end his life.. He wanted to end that Pain he was suffering from…. but was that a right thing? was that the right option?

Arjun was a 23 year old guy I guess.. I am not sure.. he recently used his social media accounts to let people know how to suicide using following steps. He ended his life at Taj-Land Ends. One of the most superior and luxurious hotels in the town.

How to commit suicide, according to a 24-year-old who succeeded?

Step 1: Write notes to people

Step 2: Get drunk

Step 3: Enjoy the view

Step 4: Have Bacon pasta…

Step 5: Lose count of the steps, and leave a final message.

The words of a young boy before he ended his life. He posted a picture to his Facebook profile page, too. The caption said five words—“A view to die for”—and an emoji. There never was a Step 5 to his tutorial because, he lost count of the steps and ended the video, before picking up a side table from the room. The piece of furniture was used to break the glass window. The picture was taken from the same window of his suite where he was staying, at the Taj Land’s End, Mumbai; overlooking the sea and the setting sun…

The police said he left a suicide note in which he wrote depression and drug use had taken a toll on his life. He also recorded a video tutorial on how to commit suicide, which has since gone viral on social media.

According to the Bandra police, the man, Arjun Bharadwaj, a resident of Bangalore, jumped around 6.30pm. Here are 10 things we know about the suicide.

1) The incident took place on Monday (April 3, 2017) at 6.30 pm in a five-star hotel at Bandstand, Bandra. He had checked into the hotel at 3am on Monday and was alone. He jumped off the 9th floor after breaking the glass window of the hotel building.

2) He was drunk at the time of the incident. He was depressed. The suicide was pre-planned. He had failed in college and was unable to clear his the final year of his BCom course.

3) He was a student in Mumbai’s Narsee Monjee Institute of Management Studies. He had been living in the city since 2013. Bharadwaj was from Bengaluru.

4) He recorded a video tutorial on how to commit suicide. The Mumbai police have blocked the video on the grounds that it could influence others and have also requested the media not to publish it.

5) To get more information into what forced him into take the extreme step, his phone has been sent to FSL.

6) His father had retired and he had one younger brother. He was under pressure to complete studies and find a job to support their family of four. He has younger brother.

7) He wrote about suicide and death in a few posts on Facebook, indicating he needed help.

8) His father got to know about his mental health issues from his friends and came to Mumbai from Bengaluru to help him. He met his father on Saturday. No statement has been recorded so far.

9) He left behind a long suicide note mentioning drug abuse, depression as reasons for his condition. He said sorry to his parents and thanked his friends.

10) He spoke about the notes, getting drunk and having food as steps to be taken before committing suicide in his video. Till now, the police have not found anyone to be held responsible for his extreme step. But his call data record will shed more light on the case.

As I say Internet has both bad and good terms. His suicide again showed us how people now are suffering from depression and other things. Most people will tell talk to your friends, family and etc etc. But, do you really think it will help were in today’s life every person is almost on their phones or with a busy schedule.

People will tell come we are there, we will talk? I mean like really? Wiil you? Do you that much of time. What you know about depression? What will you do? How will you make the other person fight? Answer me? No answers? There won’t be any.

Don’t take your life.. Give a thought before even about thinking about it.. If you really need some help meditate, ask, talk, speak, write, share your thoughts.

Someone just took the video when arjun committed suicide and uploaded it on social media not bothering about what people will go thru it, some might get depressed, some might just take the same idea and do that same thing, some may learn some lessons.

I feel taking your own life was not the solution, what happened if you would got saved the entire life you would have regretted about it, So think before taking any step..

There was a time I had gone thru this stage but that time my friends help me a lot and I am thankful to them.. But at times that stage comes again there’s no one and even I don’t want any one to know about.. coz it won’t help, If I neede help would have asked for but than I can’t even ask for a help coz I don’t like doing that I never want to be dependent on anyone. But that doen’t mean I’ll end my life or even give a thought about it, Never! So before thinking anything think about your family, loved ones, you will rise slowly it will make you better person if you try..

http://www.mid-day.com/articles/facebook-live-suicide-in-mumbai-friend-had-twice-saved-mba-student-from-taking-his-life/18136190

http://www.mensxp.com/special-features/today/35978-arjun-bharadwaj-s-suicide-at-taj-land-rsquo-s-end-is-a-reminder-of-how-depression-can-be-so-absolute.html

 

the whole post about Arjun

Came across from a post of the young comedian Biswa kalyan.

You can have a look. I agree on some parts but not on every

https://www.facebook.com/biswakalyan.rath/posts/1527159617348657

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https://www.facebook.com/biswakalyan.rath/posts/1527216534009632

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