Maybe Someday

I know you are a kind of guy,

who doesn’t believe in love.

You think that love is stupidity,

and just think of having fun.

you have a lot of friends now, 

but how long will they be?

One day you will fall in love,

in love with a girl like me.

I have no guts to tell you,

what in my heart I feel.

Maybe because I don’t want to face,

that rejection that will definitely be.

but how long will you walk alone?

Someday you’ll need someone, and

One day you will fall in love,

In love with a girl like me

She is the author but, it seems like she has read my mind..

and she is writing down what actualy I wanted to say..

written by: Holly Riordan

Aspiring science fiction author. Dog owner. Neil Patrick Harris fangirl.

She can get through anything. Heartbreak. Ended friendships. Dysfunctional family fights.

Whenever the world hurts her, she fakes a smile and keeps on going as if nothing happened. As if she’s perfectly fine. As if her heart is unbreakable.

She looks strong. But she doesn’t feel strong. She feels like she’s living a lie, like everyone gives her more credit than she deserves.

After all, everybody only thinks she’s strong, because they see a single side of her. They see her during the day, when she has enough energy to pretend. But they don’t see her at night, alone, when she’s too tired to outrun her problems.

She never lets anyone catch her when she’s vulnerable.

When she has the urge to cry, she pushes the tears away until she has a chance to escape to the bathroom to let the water flow. When she’s upset, she’ll make up an excuse to cancel her plans, so no one realizes that she’s acting off. And when she has a mental breakdown, she doesn’t text her friends about it or post a Facebook status. She suffers in silence.

She doesn’t see the point in sharing her misery. Her friends consider her the funny one. The bubbly one. The problem solver. They come to her with their issues. They expect her to know what to do. They expect her to have her shit together.

So she nods and offers consolation when they complain about their near-perfect lives, even though she wants to scream that they don’t know what real problems are. That she’s dealing with something a million times worse.

But she doesn’t let herself explode. She listens. She understands. She tries to be a good friend.

And when she’s in public, when people are around, it’s not all that hard to put her problems aside. She’s gotten used to it.

But the second she leaves, the second she’s out of view of the rest of the world, all of her problems come crashing down around her.

She hates long drives alone, just as much as she hates midnight thoughts. She hates being stuck in her own mind — because it’s a dangerous place.

It’s a place where she’s convinced she’s behind in life. She’s unsuccessful. She’s ugly. She’s stupid. She’s going to die alone. She’s going to die without fulfilling any of her dreams.

Even though she looks strong, even though she is strong, her fears won’t leave her alone. They follow her home every night, into her bedroom, into her dreams.

And they make her feel small. Worthless. Useless.

She hates that the rest of the world sees her as one thing, as a beautiful independent woman, while she sees herself as something else entirely. As a fake.

She doesn’t realize that she’s as strong as iron, because she keeps going. She’s strong, because she still has hope. She’s strong, because she’s capable of smiling through the pain.

She’s strong, because she’s still alive, even though she’s witnessed how cruel this world can be.

My 3rd baby – 3rd tattoo

 

I always Believe tattoos should depict your personality and it has some meaning.

So while choosing my tattoos I was very careful like what to ink and what too not and why coz its going to be now lifetime with me..

Forever

The only thing..

On my ring finger I decided to have one..

It has an infinity symbol and an anchor. The anchor symbolizes strength and stability or confidence in an otherwise uncertain situation. The infinity symbol, well, like the name suggests it means whatever you are getting that tattoo for, it will hold an eternal value to you. Mine says I will have infinite strength. Many people pick an anchor tattoo design to remind themselves that no matter how stormy and rough things get out there and how much the factors around you try to uproot you, you need to hold on and keep doing what you are supposed to. Some anchor tattoos are dedicated to the dear ones who played this role in your life i.e. provided you the strength and wherewithal to hold on no matter what comes your way by being there through it all. The infinity symbol is a never ending loop. So it means forever or always or limitless, never ending possibilities. It is one of the most positive tattoos there is.

2nd baby..my tattoo

I always Believe tattoos should depict your personality and it has some meaning.

So while choosing my tattoos I was very careful like what to ink and what too not and why coz its going to be now lifetime with me..

Forever

The only thing..

A number of people have taken that emotional moment and symbol and decided to have it tattooed on a part of their body. Some people do it to remember someone special, to celebrate someone special or to remind themselves that death is just a heartbeat away. Some of those getting a heartbeat line tattoo also add other design elements added to it. Probably the most frequent item is a heart, which can depict the wearer’s love towards a person. But I added a semicolon… A moment started in 2013 , A movement dedicated to presenting hope and love to those who are struggling with depression, suicide, addiction, and self-injury. I recently decided to get a semicolon tattoo. Not because it’s trendy (though, it certainly seems to be at the moment), but because it’s a reminder of the things I’ve overcome in my life.

Project Semicolon exists to encourage, love, and inspire.” A semicolon is used when an author could’ve chosen to end their sentence, but chose not to. The author is you and the sentence is your life.

A combination of heartbeat and a semicolon : which is still beating though it has suffered a lot..

This describes my 2nd tattoo.

My first Tattoo

I always Believe tattoos should depict your personality and it has some meaning.

So while choosing my tattoos I was very careful like what to ink and what too not and why coz its going to be now lifetime with me..

Forever

The only thing..

My zodiac sign scorpion was the first tattoo and I decided it purposely.

Being a scorpion..

A Fierce Sorpion

Scorpions are usually strong, stubborn,egoistic a little and that is so me.

In a combination of devil bow and scorpion zodiac sign.

My zodiac sign looks like M so I gave it a little different shape people will think I wrte someone’s initial..

So I asked it make it in heart shape as I saw this design somewer.. So Then I added A devil ear ..only one and a bow and a arrow.

Arrow represents defense and protection from harm. It can also be used as a symbol of movement or direction.

A bow is an undeniable symbol of femininity. The combination of rough material and a feminine bow as an image reveals a more complicated and contrasting persona.

Devil in general is referred to as a form of evil. Practitioners of Satanism have been known to be great fans of the devil tattoos. However devil tattoos are not synonymous to evil, wickedness or Satanism. Most devil tattoo represents a sort of rebellious attitude.

Scorpion an ever present aura of passion, attraction and sexual energy.

Astrologers believe Scorpios are ruled by their desires, but that their strength is resourcefulness, and that their resourcefulness allows them to control their desires unless they have a plan to achieve them. Scorpios are analytical and meditative, and ponder data to create a realistic plan; self-deception is not something a Scorpio does. The Scorpio is secretive and intense, though their careful approach to planning and action can appear as a lack of intensity. The Scorpio is good at hiding their feelings, which can cause problems in their relationships. They do not try to please others, and do not care what the world thinks of them.

Somewhere Only We Know

I need you like the Joker needs the Batman.

We aren’t ever gonna meet. I am the line, you are the asymptote. I am the fire, you are the smoke. You are the rain, I am the petrichor. I am a stalker, you are a private Instagram account.

We are rebels without a cause. We are running a marathon which doesn’t have a prize. And when the night would get dark, and we’d try to grope to something solid, we would find one another to lean on. I will be there, till you find a candle because holding on to darkness isn’t good.

I will paint a portrait, or strum a few chords. And if I get them right, clap for me in amazement. And I will give you a recording of my cover of the Beatles’s song, so you can sleep while listening to it.

Let’s delete texts after every chat. So I just become a memory instead of being on your phone’s memory. I don’t even want to occupy space in your phone, let alone your heart. But, I need you.

Maybe, it is just my denial. Maybe, it’s just a confession. Maybe, it’s just a random musing scribbled at 3.35 am. Or maybe, it is my loneliness screaming with words I can never say.

And when during a late night phone call, we are giggling like maniacs, disconnect the call before it gets too late. Shit happens when people fall in love, you know.

I want you to need me, and I will want you. And somewhere between needs and wants, we will find a place. Somewhere only we know.

I am that girl

I am that girl who loves writing “I am that girl…” posts.

I’m not a round peg in a square hole- I’m a crazy, dancing, spinning top that doesn’t want to be in a hole at all.

I’m that girl who is so blatant that she makes you uncomfortable.

I’m that girl on the road who talks to herself, who hums and flashes a beaming smile at the world for no reason.

That girl who has a discussion with Google Assistant on ‘gender’ because she doesn’t quite know what a girl is.

That girl who has a heartfelt desire to dance to “Hips don’t lie” at a sleepy, conservative local railway station, just because the train is late again.

That girl who doesn’t do it, because her mother has taught her what is “inappropriate”. I am “inappropriate.” I talk too much.

Sometimes I don’t talk at all.

People have a problem with both. I have a problem with neither.

I am that girl who talks to boys a lot.

And to girls, babies, dogs, pillars, trees, mirrors. I talk of 10th-grade Science and 1st-grade heartbreak, and 2nd-year college scenes.

Love’s poetry, loops, food, more love. I am that girl. The one you can’t quite make sense of.

I am that girl who thinks sense-making is overrated anyway.

Isn’t it strange?

Isn’t it strange?
Isn’t it strange? How everything I think about connects to you towards the end and yet how disconnected we are right now. How a year back, the moon was one of the reasons for us to continue talking and now it’s just one of those things that remind me of you.
How there was a time where you told me you are trying to ignore that girl because you just probably didn’t like her that way or whatever and how now I feel that I’m that girl.
How you were never only a friend and yet I could never call you mine?
How we pretended to be friends back then and now how I pretend to be your best friend. Isn’t all of this strange?
It’s not that we don’t talk anymore, it’s not that we don’t care anymore but tell me one thing – Was it necessary for you to make me feel that all that was one sided?
Was it necessary to make me feel like an option?
Maybe you will ignore this too like the messages and calls and just pretend to be busy. So I guess I have to answer the questions all by myself. Yes, it’s all strange. And I guess I will never find an honest answer from you. So this will be my last good-bye to those probabilities and what if thoughts. To the one who was almost mine, maybe?
Isn’t all of this strange? It’s not that we don’t talk anymore, it’s not that we don’t care anymore but tell me one thing – Was it necessary for you to make me feel that all that was one sided? Was it necessary to make me feel like an option?