Hello!

Hey lover,

Can I call you that? Or will this make you paranoid, too? I’m not going to lie to you, sometimes you do drive me crazy. Sometimes I wonder if I ever will be able to tolerate your emotional and physical unavailability, your lack of consideration, love, respect, patience, your incessant narcissism, your total disregard for other people’s feelings and all your OCDs for a lifetime. It doesn’t just end here. In addition to all of this, there’s your commitment-phobia and your never-ending craving for other women. I must be bat-crap crazy to even consider you as a life partner. I know relationships don’t matter to you. If you believe you want something that the relationship can’t give you, you would probably break it and leave. The worst part is you would be absolutely fine with it. Nothing ever mattered, nothing or no one was ever worth sticking around for. But, then again, I wonder why haven’t I walked away from you yet? Do I fear that I’m getting old and I may be alone all my life? Or do I feel that I have invested a lot in this ‘relationship’ and I can’t let go now? Do I feel that I can ignore your flaws and continue being your superficial wife? Or have I fallen for you hopelessly that I can’t seem come out of this? May be I have truly fallen for you. You are after all, extremely easy to fall for. I love how you are always late. I love how you analyze the worst things that don’t even matter in detail almost every time when I tell you. How we tag each other and fight in comments. How different we think. How we love a song and then cry. I love how you stood your ground when the mad dog was approaching you. I love how you catch me and hold on to me every time I slip trying to walk fast in my high heels. I don’t know if there’s a future where we are together. Perhaps, we may end up together or may be this will fade away and fall apart. May be we will go on to get married and we would change together for the better and live a happy fulfilling life. May be we would get married and realize that we can never live together and split for good. May be we would keep seeing each other until we realize we don’t want this anymore. May be we will meet someone new who is everything we had been looking for. May be we will fade away and fall apart without so much as a goodbye. Sometimes, I get really frustrated that I want to yell and tell you I’m tired of being your back up, let me go. I’m stuck in this limbo, I have no idea where this is heading. My heart yearns for you, my mind tells me to run while I still can. I can’t even begin to explain to you the waves of emotions you unleash within me. I live in a nightmare and all that keeps me going down this road are the glimpses of you that I get to see. I’m messed up. All I know is that at this very moment, I love you. I love you like there is no tomorrow. I love you right down to the very last cell that makes you up. I love you unconditionally, so I patiently wait…wait till the day you realize you love me too or till the day you find your next love interest and leave me for good. Either way, it goes, my love is here, it is alive and true and I can’t stop missing you.

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