Dear Future!

Dear future husband, I know the internet has always kept you in a goody-goody bubble of illusion, telling you that every letter beginning with a “Dear future husband” is one of the cutesy desires cobbled together with hearts and flowers. Tarry a little, there. You’ll be horrifically disappointed in that case. Sorry, but no sorry. Do you have a girlfriend at this moment? If yes, do you love her? If no, did you ever have one? How did the two of you break up? Did she leave you? Did you? Why? No, don’t give me that it-didn’t-work-out crap. That’s a ridiculous sham people cajole their hearts with. Did you break up because she had trust issues, lied to you, cheated on you, stabbed you in the back, or worse, just disappeared without a reason? Well then, pat your back, for you survived it well, and are here, reading my rants. But – But if you left her because she doted on you ‘way too much’, messaged you ‘How are you?’, ‘Had lunch?’, or ‘When are we meeting ?’ all the time, bugged you with hopelessly maudlin chatter at three in the night, or because you ‘needed space’ (what?); or if you left her because — after all the dreams and infinite hopes you had given her in your night long romantic phone calls, telling her that she is your ‘Princess’ and there is no one you can love more than her — you simply lost interest in her as someone else caught your fancy, or because your mother, father, sister, brother, friend, or neighbour’s auntie’s cousin’s daughter told you to, you are being warned, abandon the thought of having me. Ever. Do you know why? Because I have gone through every single thing you just read. I have been crowned a Princess, ‘the most special girl in the world’, and heaven knows what not, and I, like a hopeless moth, fluttered nearer and nearer the flame, only to be charred and scalded to the core. And do you know why? Because I am stupid. I am not practical or rational or sagacious or pragmatic or cautious or anything when it comes to the matters of the heart. And that’s exactly why I have had my heart scathed over and over again, till it was no more than a mass of flesh pumping blood. That’s exactly why I have shut it in a junk box, cloistered it behind a façade of apathy, and thrown the key away. There’s permafrost on my heart that, perhaps, no warmth can ever thaw. I have long forgotten how to love and am immune to feeling. In short, I am scarcely anything you fancy. If you still see some hope in me, hello; otherwise, bae, look for the other mistress at the next crossroad, for, trust me, I am done. Perhaps,

 

Your future wife.

This Is How You Break Her Heart

Tell her all the things she wanted to hear.
Make her believe you think she’s beautiful and special.
Pretend like you really care about her,
Like all you wanted to do was talk to her,
Like there’s nothing better than spending time with her
So there’s no way she’ll never get attached.
Make sure you remind her to text you when she gets home so she’ll think she matters to you.
Listen to her. Flirt with her. Tell her things you’ve never told anyone.
Make her believe in love, and dreams, and fairytales again.
Make her believe you were the one she’s been waiting all her life.
Give her all the reasons why she should trust you,
Why she should let her guard down,
Why she should let you in.
Give her the hope of a blossoming romance,
The start of something she’s always dreamed of.
And when you know how far she’s fallen for you, rip it all out.
Push her hard enough off the edge to make sure she’ll break when the fall was over.
Ignore her. Avoid her.
Make her wonder what she did wrong.
Was there really something wrong about her? Did she upset you?
Make her question everything she ever did and everything she was.
Is she not enough for you? Will she ever be enough for anyone?
When she tries to reach out, don’t reply to her messages.
Make her feel unimportant. Kill her spirits. Let her overthink.
Leave her hanging. Leave her confused.
Don’t give her any answers, but give her more questions.
Make sure she knows you never gave a damn about her.
That she never really mattered.
That she was just a distraction from your ever so important life.
That you never meant for her to fall,
And that you were never sorry that she did.
Make sure she knows the feeling was never mutual.
That it’s only ever her, the stupid one, which was being played.
Are you happy? Is that how you want the game to end?
Well in that case, you won. Look at her.
She’s a complete mess, trying to build back the walls around her heart.
The walls that she once broke just for you to get in.
She’s struggling to keep up with her almost empty bottle of second hand self-confidence.
Not a glue in the world can put back her broken pieces now.
But it wasn’t just her heart that you broke. It was all of her.

 

Original post from : http://thoughtcatalog.com/sahara-villanueva/2017/01/this-is-how-you-break-her-heart/

I Don’t Deserve You, I Deserve Better

http://thoughtcatalog.com/farah-ayaad/2017/01/i-dont-deserve-you-i-deserve-better/

All that I want to do after a long day at work is be with you. I want to be on bed with you. I want to have endless pillow conversations. I want to get lost in our own world for a little while. To forget about the notifications and the unanswered texts. To forget about the ones who broke our hearts. To forget about our fears and the things that make us feel like we are not good enough.

Here I am, waking-up without you beside me and I go to sleep alone. Not that I don’t cherish my independence and own space, I just have this crazy feeling that screams being close to you, being intimate with you. Just being with you really.

You set my heart at unease. I am afraid to be the hopeless romantic I am because I don’t want to overwhelm you or scare you away.

I am afraid that I will end-up being the one who tries more. The one who hopes for more but ends-up with less each and every single time. The one who loses a piece of her heart with each heartbreak over someone who wasn’t worth it.

You leave my mouth hungry. There are things I want to tell you. And there are many questions I want to ask. I want to let you in to my thoughts: the silly, the serious and the crazy. I want to know the 1% you are keeping locked. I want to see your situation from your eyes with more clarity and compassion. I want to see you emotionally naked, I want to feel your vulnerability.

My love for you is caged. It is kept in a place that it doesn’t belong to. And at times, I feel like it’s being taken advantaged of than taken care for. I feel loved and unloved at the same time. How is it even possible to feel wanted in one moment and unwanted in the one that follows? You know, I just can’t help but feel that it’s a matter of time until my love for you turns into something else. Something I cannot recognize. Something I don’t want. Something I am not.

I believe you when you say that you are trying. I believe that you don’t know what you want like you say. And I believe that you are slowly but surely navigating through a very dark tunnel desperately hoping for a spark. Waiting for some sort ofLIGHT to save you. And as much as I would like to be that for you, I can’t and I don’t want to. It’s not my job to help you figure out who you are. And it’s not my job to give you purpose in life.

I cannot prove to you that real love exists if you don’t want to believe in it. I cannot tear down your wall if you keep on building one brick after the other. I cannot ask you to turn fucked-up to normal, lies to truth, broken promises to future plans, empty kisses to meaningful ones. I cannot ask you to change your old ways for us. I cannot ask you to change for me.

I am the kind of person who wouldn’t let the people that mean the most to me go to bed angry or upset with me because I give a shit. I apologize the instant I realize I was wrong. I will always choose a connection I have with someone over the connection I have with my ego.

I put myself out there and I do it fearlessly. I don’t sugarcoat my feelings. I mean what I say and my words have value. I go after what I want and I go for it a 100%. I am someone you count on in sickness and in health. I am someone who will fight for you and will always remind you of your worth. I am the kind of person who will love you endlessly. I am very simple in my chaos. All I am looking for is a partner, a best friend, a team player.

A warrior. Someone who brings my fairytale to life by simply being themselves. And you are just failing me while I keep on falling. Maybe that’s why they call it falling in love because love only gets deeper, bigger, harder.

http://thoughtcatalog.com/farah-ayaad/2017/01/i-dont-deserve-you-i-deserve-better/

How Much It!

I am unhappy. With myself, I suppose. I don’t know why. Maybe because no matter how much I try, at the end of the day, I end up hurting you. I end up disappointing people. I end up losing friends. I end up realizing things are not going to be the same as they used to be, and that I cannot be important to the people to whom I meant the world. I end up drowning, in this sea of loneliness, dejection, and disappointment. Do you even know how much it hurts when at the end of the day you have no one to talk to and tell them what you did all day long? How much it hurts when you’re ill and you don’t have a single person to ask you how you are? And who would rather kill you if you don’t take care of yourself and don’t have your medicines on time. Aah, leave alone having them on time, when someone doesn’t even bother whether you even had them or not. Do you know how much it hurts when each song you listen to triggers memories inside you, the memories of happy times, about which you can do nothing, and no matter how much you try to stop the influx of those memories, you always end up failing to do so, like you have failed in life? How much it hurts when you know no one would even give a damn if you would leave this world? Do you know how much it hurts when you don’t even know what happiness is and don’t know about the things that make you happy? Yeah, when you don’t even have things to do or moments to remember which would make you happy. Do you know how much it hurts when you realize no matter how much you try, you can never have someone who was special once and would always remain that special one, so special that no one can ever take his place? Do you know how much it hurts when at the end of the day you cry yourself to sleep, remembering all that you’ve been through, and to avoid that, you fear sleeping? When sleep has become a monster, and you see the night as a nightmare, something that always creeps you out. Something you want to never come back in your life. Do you know how much it hurts when everyday you wake up with a will to make everything fine, hoping everything would change and the world would be a happy place and you, a happy soul, but at night, on your bed, you weep on your pillow realizing that nothing really changed? That you are still the same. That the same misery still envelopes your life. That no matter how much you try, there’s no moving forward. That there could be no light in the dark hole you have drowned into. That there’s no one to listen to you. Do you know how much it hurts when you lose all hope of living? When you can’t find happiness in the heights of mountains or waves of the sea, or in the laughter of a child or a long drive across the city with the windows down. At that time, death seems to be your dearest friend, something that offers its hand to pull you out of the deep pit you are into, engulfed by darkness, wanting to breathe, ready to take you to a new world, away from all this suffering, all the pain, all the memories. Yeah, that’s the moment that gives you happiness, and you start craving to end this life and begin a new life, happy, somewhere else, somewhere far away.

9 Strange Things Your Body Does That You Never Knew Were Defense Mechanisms

Source: https://brightside.me/wonder-curiosities/9-strange-things-your-body-does-that-you-never-knew-were-defense-mechanisms-263110/

Our bodies are a complex collection of numerous biologicalCYCLES and systems that can often be difficult to fully understand. The body’s set of defense mechanisms constitute one such system. They protect us from harm 24 hours a day, seven days a week, from a whole number of things that could potentially harm us.

Here are nine fascinating things your body does which you may not have even realized were ranked among those defense mechanisms.

Yawning

The main purpose of yawning is to cool down the brain after it’s been overheated or overloaded.

Sneezing

Usually, we sneeze when our nasal passages fill up with too many allergens, microbes, dust, or other irritants. Sneezing is the body’s way of getting rid of this “trash.”

Stretching

We instinctively stretch in order to prepare our bodies for the physical loads we expect them to take during the day. At the same time, stretching works the muscles, restores blood flow, and improves our mood.

Hiccuping

When we eat very quickly, swallow large pieces of food, or simply overeat, our pneumogastric nerve can become irritated. This is closely connected to our stomach and diaphragm. The result is a bout of hiccups.

Myoclonic jerks

This refers to that strange feeling when you lie down to go to sleep, and as you start to drift off your body is jolted for a second by what seems like an electric shock. In this moment, all of your muscles spasm so strongly that you almost fall out of bed, and you wake up straightaway.

This phenomenon is the result of the fact that when you begin to fall asleep, the frequency of your breathing rapidly falls, whilst your pulse slows down only very slightly and your muscles are relaxed. Amazingly, your brain interprets these developments as heralding death. So it tries to save you by giving you a jolt.

Wrinkling of the skin

The wrinkles that appear on the skin of your hands play anIMPORTANT role. This phenomenon is caused by the fact that when your body encounters an increased amount of moisture it understands that the environment might be slippery. So the skin on your hands immediately begins to change in a way that will make it easier for you to grip smooth surfaces.

Loss of memory

Loss of memory often happens after the occurrence of the most unpleasant experiences. Our brains literally delete the most terrible moments from our memories.

Goosebumps

The primary function of goosebumps is to reduce the amount of heat our bodies lose through the pores of our skin, which then makes it easier to warm ourselves in inhospitable climatic conditions.

Tears

Apart from acting as protection for the mucous membrane of our eye when foreign objects come into contact with it, tears serve as anINSTRUMENT of “emotional defense.” Scientists believe that in stressful situations the body creates a new, powerful source of irritation in order to distract a person from the pain they’re currently experiencing.

These are just some of the reasons why we should all be very grateful to our bodies for working to protect us every single day. Remember to relax — your body’s got everything covered!

Hello!

Hey lover,

Can I call you that? Or will this make you paranoid, too? I’m not going to lie to you, sometimes you do drive me crazy. Sometimes I wonder if I ever will be able to tolerate your emotional and physical unavailability, your lack of consideration, love, respect, patience, your incessant narcissism, your total disregard for other people’s feelings and all your OCDs for a lifetime. It doesn’t just end here. In addition to all of this, there’s your commitment-phobia and your never-ending craving for other women. I must be bat-crap crazy to even consider you as a life partner. I know relationships don’t matter to you. If you believe you want something that the relationship can’t give you, you would probably break it and leave. The worst part is you would be absolutely fine with it. Nothing ever mattered, nothing or no one was ever worth sticking around for. But, then again, I wonder why haven’t I walked away from you yet? Do I fear that I’m getting old and I may be alone all my life? Or do I feel that I have invested a lot in this ‘relationship’ and I can’t let go now? Do I feel that I can ignore your flaws and continue being your superficial wife? Or have I fallen for you hopelessly that I can’t seem come out of this? May be I have truly fallen for you. You are after all, extremely easy to fall for. I love how you are always late. I love how you analyze the worst things that don’t even matter in detail almost every time when I tell you. How we tag each other and fight in comments. How different we think. How we love a song and then cry. I love how you stood your ground when the mad dog was approaching you. I love how you catch me and hold on to me every time I slip trying to walk fast in my high heels. I don’t know if there’s a future where we are together. Perhaps, we may end up together or may be this will fade away and fall apart. May be we will go on to get married and we would change together for the better and live a happy fulfilling life. May be we would get married and realize that we can never live together and split for good. May be we would keep seeing each other until we realize we don’t want this anymore. May be we will meet someone new who is everything we had been looking for. May be we will fade away and fall apart without so much as a goodbye. Sometimes, I get really frustrated that I want to yell and tell you I’m tired of being your back up, let me go. I’m stuck in this limbo, I have no idea where this is heading. My heart yearns for you, my mind tells me to run while I still can. I can’t even begin to explain to you the waves of emotions you unleash within me. I live in a nightmare and all that keeps me going down this road are the glimpses of you that I get to see. I’m messed up. All I know is that at this very moment, I love you. I love you like there is no tomorrow. I love you right down to the very last cell that makes you up. I love you unconditionally, so I patiently wait…wait till the day you realize you love me too or till the day you find your next love interest and leave me for good. Either way, it goes, my love is here, it is alive and true and I can’t stop missing you.

We Only Fall in Love with 3 People in Our Lifetime—Each One for a Specific Reason.

Source : http://www.elephantjournal.com/2016/11/we-only-fall-in-love-with-3-people-in-our-lifetime-each-one-for-a-specific-reason/

Came across a beautiful article..

So thought to share it…

“Love is just a word until someone comes along and gives it meaning.” ~ Unknown

It’s been said that we really only fall in love with three people in our lifetime.

Yet, it’s also believed that we need each of these loves for a different reason.

Often our first is when we are young, in high school even. It’s the idealistic love—the one that seems like the fairytales we read as children.

This is the love that appeals to what we should be doing for society’s sake—and probably our families. We enter into it with the belief that this will be our only love and it doesn’t matter if it doesn’t feel quite right, or if we find ourselves having to swallow down our personal truths to make it work because deep down we believe that this is what love is supposed to be.

Because in this type of love, how others view us is more important than how we actually feel.

It’s a love that looks right.

The second is supposed to be our hard love—the one that teaches us lessons about who we are and how we often want or need to be loved. This is the kind of love that hurts, whether through lies, pain or manipulation.

We think we are making different choices than our first, but in reality we are still making choices out of the need to learn lessons—but we hang on. Our second love can become a cycle, oftentimes one we keep repeating because we think that somehow the ending will be different than before. Yet, each time we try, it somehow ends worse than before.

Sometimes it’s unhealthy, unbalanced or narcissistic even. There may be emotional, mental or even physical abuse or manipulation—most likely there will be high levels of drama. This is exactly what keeps us addicted to this storyline, because it’s the emotional rollercoaster of extreme highs and lows and like a junkie trying to get a fix, we stick through the lows with the expectation of the high.

With this kind of love, trying to make it work becomes more important than whether it actually should.

It’s the love that we wished was right.

And the third is the love we never see coming. The one that usually looks all wrong for us and that destroys any lingering ideals we clung to about what love is supposed to be. This is the love that comes so easy it doesn’t seem possible. It’s the kind where the connection can’t be explained and knocks us off our feet because we never planned for it.

This is the love where we come together with someone and it just fits—there aren’t any ideal expectations about how each person should be acting, nor is there pressure to become someone other than we are.

We are just simply accepted for who we are already—and it shakes to our core.

It isn’t what we envisioned our love would look like, nor does it abide by the rules that we had hoped to play it safe by. But still it shatters our preconceived notions and shows us that love doesn’t have to be how we thought in order to be true.

This is the love that keeps knocking on our door regardless of how long it takes us to answer.

It’s the love that just feels right.

Maybe we don’t all experience these loves in this lifetime, but perhaps that’s just because we aren’t ready to. Maybe the reality is we need to truly learn what love isn’t before we can grasp what it is.

Possibly we need a whole lifetime to learn each lesson, or maybe, if we’re lucky, it only takes a few years.

Perhaps it’s not about if we are ever ready for love, but if love is ready for us.

And then there may be those people who fall in love once and find it passionately lasts until their last breath. Those faded and worn pictures of our grandparents who seemed just as in love as they walked hand-in-hand at age 80 as they did in their wedding picture—the kind that leaves us wondering if we really know how to love at all.

Someone once told me they are the lucky ones, and perhaps they are.

But I kinda think that those who make it to their third love are really the lucky ones.

They are the ones who are tired of having to try and whose broken hearts lay beating in front of them wondering if there is just something inherently wrong with how they love.

But there’s not; it’s just a matter of if their partner loves in the same way they do or not.

Just because it has never worked out before doesn’t mean that it won’t work out now.

What it really comes down to is if we are limited by how we love, or instead love without limits. We can all choose to stay with our first love, the one that looks good and will make everyone else happy. We can choose to stay with our second under the belief that if we don’t have to fight for it, then it’s not worth having—or we can make the choice to believe in the third love.

The one that feels like home without any rationale; the love that isn’t like a storm—but rather the quiet peace of the night after.

And maybe there’s something special about our first love, and something heartbreakingly unique about our second…but there’s also just something pretty amazing about our third.

The one we never see coming.
The one that actually lasts.
The one that shows us why it never worked out before.

And it’s that possibility that makes trying again always worthwhile, because the truth is you never know when you’ll stumble into love.

“You found parts of me I didn’t know existed and in you I found a love I no longer believed was real.” ~ Unknown

http://www.elephantjournal.com/2016/11/we-only-fall-in-love-with-3-people-in-our-lifetime-each-one-for-a-specific-reason/

Writer’s Link : http://wordsofkaterose.com/

You never know how many days you’ve got left!!!!!!!

Im a girl.
I overreact. I underestimate. I overestimate.
I over think everything. I dream big.
And when I say I love you, I’m not lying!
I’ve been walked on, used and forgotten and I don’t regret one moment of it because in those moments, I’ve learned a lot.
I’ve learned who I can trust and can’t.
I’ve learned the meaning of friendship.
I’ve learned how to tell when people are lying and when they’re sincere.
I’ve learned how to be a teenager, and how to grow up when I need to.
I’ve been to hell and back a few times, and I won’t ever take what I have for granted.
This is life, live it one day at a time.
You never know how many days you’ve got left…

I end my day by penning down a couple of random thoughts and today I wrote this down!!!

I end my day by penning down a couple of random thoughts and today I wrote this down,

“In the crimson of the morning sun dies another day and the same flower that is smiling today tomorrow shall be gone. In the paleness of the morning sky I see the sickness of death, in the playing child the drooling old man. In living I see the futility of life”.

It was after I penned this down did I realize that in the beautiful journey of growing up I have transformed from a carefree girl to being someone who has started living by the rule book. In an attempt to become a perfect daughter, perfect sister and a perfect girlfriend among the many other roles, I have lost out on those imperfections that make the real me. I have lost out on ‘me’.

I miss following my hopeful heart. I miss the way I could take decisions without thinking a 100 times about the consequences. I miss the way my heart fell in love the first time, the confidence it radiated, the way it innocently believed everything, not realizing the ways of this big bad world. I miss the way my heart believed in happy endings and ‘forever’ was a reality for it.

I miss my effortless laughter. Its been ages since I laughed my heart out, and giggled like a 5 year old. I still smile very often, but most of the times it is a result of either being courteous to someone or out of sheer formality. I long to laugh till my stomach hurts without a care in the world.

I miss my childishness; life is not worth such a serious thought. I miss the way I would crack up at the silliest of things and forgive people in a jiffy. I miss the days when ego and amour propre had absolutely no traces in my life. Life was not as complicated as we, with all our maturity, make it out to be.

I miss the belief I had in life. The fearlessness with which I would take on any given challenge thrown at me. The boldness with which I lived everyday as if it was last and made every single moment worth a celebration. I miss the leap of faith I took to reach the other side of a problem with a belief that success is the only option. It is this faith that pulled me through life till here, because failure was never seen as a demotivating factor, “fall down 9, stand up 10” was the only way of life.

I miss these parts in me, I miss the girl I was before the world told me, “It’s not your cup of tea” and I started believing it. I miss the person I was before I started hearing and gradually trusting the things people told me. I want myself back, the stupid self, the imperfect self, the fierce and the
confidant me. 

I want ‘Me’ back.